


why can't i keep you?

by sweet like vanilla (running_with_assassins)



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M, I cried for hours with this one, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 14:42:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5378906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/running_with_assassins/pseuds/sweet%20like%20vanilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't be gone too long—who's going to love me when you're gone? </p><p>OR</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>"Fuck you."</p><p>Levy feels like tearing her peacock hair out of her scalp. Brutally. That was what loving Gajeel Redfox felt like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	why can't i keep you?

**Author's Note:**

> (ps. additionally posted on my fanfiction.net account of the same username)  
> (pps. i do not own Fairy Tail or the characters associated with the manga/show. I take no claim.)

**why can't I keep you?**

 

 

 

Her bandanna is green today.

Gajeel recognizes it as he watches her mull around the room, smiling at her friends and intruding on their private moments. The guild hall is as loud as ever and it's distracting but she's all he sees. She's the only thing worth paying any attention to.

Forcing his eyes to stray, Gajeel focuses on taking a sip of his coffee. It tastes shit. Like rust and sour milk. Totally not worth the three bucks he reluctantly forked over for it.

Coffee was  _not_  Gajeel's thing, but he'd been having trouble sleeping these days. Lately, a tall cup of coffee was the only thing getting him through jobs. That and the fact that Pantherlily had become his personal alarm clock whenever he finally managed to catch a good three hours rest.

"Hey, Gajeel. Oh, is that coffee? Can I have some?" Levy slides onto the bench next to Gajeel. Her sudden presence makes him jump, and that makes her laugh. She takes pleasure in the scowl that crosses his lips. A scowl reserved for only her.

"You want coffee?" Gajeel tries not to smile at the child-like curiosity Levy displays while eye-balling the tall plastic cup. It's like a five year old asking her mother for a sip of "adult" beverage.

"Maybe." Levy says through a smear of red lipstick, and he takes the chance to fully appreciate her appearance now that she's up close.

She seemed to be in a rush today—messy peacock blue hair, a few forehead spots left unconcealed. However, the smile, the big flashy one that everyone in the guild sees every morning no matter what mood she's in, is there.

Levy suddenly shrugs, breaking Gajeel's evaluation of her. "I used to hate coffee, you know? Either too much sugar or not enough."

He begins cracking his knuckles in discomfort. She was sitting  _so_ unbearably close.

Levy's smile deflates. "It used to give me headaches."

Gajeel rolls his eyes and deliberately looks ahead instead of at her. "Whatever," He can see "Salamander" and "Bunny Girl" looking his way, and so he lowers his head. "Why don't you go hang out with Jet and Droy. I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

"Ignoring you." He takes back the words immediately but doesn't correct them. Instead, he inches away from the frowning mage and returns to his coffee.

Levy shakes her head at his sudden change in behaviour. "Fine. If you're going to be that way, I'd much rather go see what Jet and Droy are doing. They're  _much_  more deserving of my attention right now."

"Good. That's what I want." Gajeel closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Levy angrily stomping off, and he already knows that she's never going to let him forget this. He curses under his breath. "Bloody hell."

It's then that Natsu Dragneel, resident fire-starter, sits himself down at the opposite side of Gajeel's bench, accompanied by a chipper Lucy Heartfilia and Wendy Marvel.

"Hey, check it out," Natsu grins, watching as Gajeel's eyes force open. "Metal-head's talking to himself."

"Ha ha, Salamander. Beat it, will ya?"

Wendy playfully shoves Natsu on the shoulder, earning a sharp hiss and a frown that momentarily puts a smile on the metal dragon slayer's face. "How are you doing, Gajeel? You know, since—"

Gajeel is on his feet before she can finish, shoving at the edge of the table to push the bench seat backwards. "I've got to go. Stuff to do."

"You're taking another job?" Lucy asks. "That's the third this week. Aren't you exhausted?"

"Mind your own business, air-head." He replies, grunting out the insult, and it almost makes him feel better. That feeling passes quite quickly as he storms away from the table, his coffee long forgotten.

 _Nosey girls_. He thinks.  _Always interested in my business._

He wonders if people will stop asking him how he's doing like he's some sort of a wailing, helpess child.

Then again, he really can't blame them for asking. He  _wasn't_ doing good. In fact, he's about eighty percent sure that he's losing his fucking marbles. And it was all  _her_  fault.

 

 

Levy McGarden died three months ago.

She hasn't stopped talking to him since.

 

 

**i.**

 

 

His job takes all day and night, causes him three semi-deep cuts to the chest and a stomach ache from the motion sickness on the ride back.

And this wasn't even the worst he'd arrived home this week.

Like a ritual, Gajeel locks his front door and walks into his bathroom to apply a healing balm on his injuries. He tosses his wad of well-earned cash into the sink and turns the light off on his way out.

There's no light on in his bedroom, and he likes it that away.

All the better  _not_ to see you with, my dear.

"Really, Gajeel? You look like you just went toe-to-toe with a shark," Levy greets him on his way inside. If under any other circumstances, she'd shield away from the sight of Gajeel's bare chest like it was a holy sight unworthy of her inspection—but cuts and bruises ruined the appeal.

"Honestly, it's like you have a death wish or something." She says, then pauses at the look on Gajeel's face. She laughs feebly. "Oh, right, the ghost-girl is preaching about death wishes. Not the best choice of words."

Gajeel crosses the room without acknowledging her. He forcefully tosses his coat on the lonely black armchair next to the wardrobe. The room is a complete mess, but he doesn't care. Levy had always encouraged him to treat himself and his home with better care, but since she had died, he'd stopped taking her advice—even though Levy The Friendly Ghost continued to give him it.

He finally turns around and looks at Levy. She's leaning against his one pillow and sat atop his single sheet. She scrunches her nose at him. "This room is so uninviting. Would it kill you to get a  _double_ sheet for your  _double_  bed?"

"If you must know—" Gajeel starts in a hard tone of voice, but with a hiss, stops himself.

Levy tilts her head in a bird-like motion. "No, go on. We're friends. What were you going to say?"

As if burned by hearing  _that_  word, Gajeel angrily continues. "Alright,  _friend_ , if you must know, there's a single sheet because that's what I am. Single. Alone. Just me. And I want it that way. So, for the last time, fuck  _off_ , Shrimp."

"Gajeel! Don't you  _dare_  speak to me that way."

She yells at him in a way that hurts. Yells in that stern, forcefully tone that Gajeel always laughed at, and it makes his blood sting and his heart cry—because it does  _sound_  like Levy, and it looks like Levy, and it acts like her and laughs like her, but it's  _not_  her.

There's one thing you have to understand about Gajeel's grief. When Levy died, she died suddenly. She died without Gajeel near her. He heard about it from Erza, at least four hours after it happened, and by that point, there had been no way for him to stop it.

She had been out on a job with Jet and Droy. They were miles away, trying to help solve a dispute between two towns at war. There had been a fire, and the flames consumed many innocent lives, Levy's included. Gajeel was meant to go with her—because he was part of  _her_  team, them and Jet and Droy and Lily—but at the last minute he decided not to go because he couldn't be  _bothered_  to.

He honestly didn't think anything bad would happen to her, but it had. And Gajeel hadn't been able to process that. He cried for her until his eyes grew blood-shot and tired. And then, one night shortly after, he saw her, and everything was right again for a sweet couple of seconds.

Ghosts aren't alive.

Levy  _isn't_ alive.

And Gajeel can't understand why, of all people, she had to haunt  _him_. She couldn't have haunted Lucy or Dumb (Jet) and Dumber (Droy). No, it  _had_  to be the guy who flirted with her once or twice and looked at her like she was the sun.

Somewhere along the line it became clear to Gajeel that she was still with him for a reason, but he also knew that nothing was worth the torture of seeing her and not being able to touch her and hug her and confess everything he had ever felt—

" _No_. You need to go," Gajeel growls through razor-teeth. She seems surprised at the outburst, almost upset, and he crumbles.

He stands close to the wall, as if a shield of fire separates him from the bed where she's sitting.

Staggered, Levy stares at this man who knows her so well he could probably write a 290 page book about her. He's almost in tears over how much seeing her has taken a toll on him. Her death had been harder on him than most, and everyone knew it. But only Gajeel and Levy knew  _why_.

"Is that really what you want, Gajeel? For me to go away?"

He wants to scream in her face that, yes,  _of course_ that's what he wants. And a large part of him does. But there's this clawing feeling in his stomach, like a thirst, and it begs him to keep her around.

Even though he doesn't want this fabrication, he has no choice.

He needs her like a starved man needs water, and she's a never-ending supply.

"No."

On his face is a canvas of self-deprecation and defeat, and it kills Levy all over again.

"Maybe it's best that I do." She looks down at her clasped hands. "I don't want to look around the guild and see my friends grieve me. It's not a nice thing to see every day."

Gajeel avoids looking at her when he replies. "Well, hey, leave, by all means. I don't wanna  _see_  you either."

"You're being harsh now, Gajeel. Don't say things you don't mean."

"What makes you think I don't mean them? Just because I don't want you to stop being here doesn't mean that it doesn't piss me off. We'd both be better off if you just left, like you were  _supposed_  to."

Levy pinches the bridge of her nose as though in a tiff with a significant other. "Look, I understand why you feel the way that you do. There's nothing wrong with wanting to..hold on."

"Nothing wrong, huh?" Gajeel runs a hand over his face with force and kicks off from the wall. He starts to pace around the Levy-free half of his room. "Yeah, yeah, there's nothing wrong with the fact that I'm so  _unbelievably mad_  that I see you everywhere I go. In my fucking dreams and nightmares and at the bloody supermarket. The guild hall. When I'm out on jobs. Sat on my bed at night like that's totally  _normal_. There's nothing sane about any of that, alright? I'm pathetic."

Levy slips off of the bed instantly and begins walking towards Gajeel. He stands as still as a statue when Levy stops in front of him with this absolute  _fire_  in her eyes. "You're not pathetic. You're just—"

"I'm what?" He challenges.

"You're just..in love."

Recoiling, Gajeel takes a large step back and violently crashes into the wall behind him. He starts to feel sick and sober all at once. "What the..what the  _hell_ , Shrimp!?"

"I am too," She raises her hands as if to steady him, then she  _remembers_ , and pulls back. She puts the back of her hand against her lips to stop herself from sobbing. "I love you. And I can't stand seeing you like this!"

Gajeel looks at her with so much force that he sees stars in the corners of his eyes—eyes that are deliberately scanning every crevice of Levy's makeshift face, looking for the truth and sincerity behind the words.

And he finds it.

Unconsciously, Gajeel's hands rise to touch her face, in a moment of weakness and amnesia. When his hands don't touch skin, he flinches more passionately than before. He almost chokes on the feeling of loss snaking its way around his heart.

"You're just a sick hallucination," He grunts, walking past her while being careful not to come into contact with  _nothing_  again. "I won't say it to a hallucination."

Levy turns around, mouth hung open in shock. There's this mix of horror and hope and love on her face as she whispers to him, "But you do?"

Her question is met with the slam of the bedroom door.

Gajeel doesn't come back home this night.

 

 

**ii.**

 

 

There's nothing bad about a little poison underneath the moonlight.

Gajeel convinces himself of this as he swills down a frosty cold beer outside of his apartment. He chooses not to go back inside, not when Levy's talking nonsense and filling his head with chaotic thoughts. She'd be gone by tomorrow morning anyway. That was how it worked. She never stuck around for longer than a couple of hours.

Thank  **fuck**  for that.

The night air is freezing and he doesn't have a shirt on. He's pretty sure people are looking at him and wondering if he's homeless.  _Might as well be_ , he thinks. After all, he's got an  _unwelcome_  visitor in his sheets and it doesn't look as if she's ever going to leave.

Funny to think there was a time when he would've suffered the horrors of hell to see her standing in front of him, alive or not. He was all but ready to when he heard the news.

He thinks back to  _that_  night, and loses himself in the haze of alcohol and self-pity.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Nah, fuckin' hell. What kinda sick joke you trying to pull here, Titania?"_

_"Listen to me, Gajeel. What I'm telling you is the truth."_

_"Shrimp? Yeah, right. She's gonna come crawlin' in here any second. Just waiting to see the look on my face. Thought you got me fooled, did you's? She's alright."_

_Erza turned away and sighed in sorrow and, quite frankly, exasperation. She was dealing with the most ignorant member of Fairy Tail here, she should've realized that it wouldn't be so easy to give him the bad news. She didn't want to be the one to do it, either, but Gajeel felt like the "kill the messenger" kind, and_ _—_ _well, Erza was strong enough to set him in his place if he so much as tried._

_When she looked at him again, Erza noticed Gajeel staring holes into the doors of the guild. He watched, foot tapping, nostrils flaring, waiting for the girl he swore to protect since the moment they had become friends to come skipping through those great big double doors._

_He waited._

_Erza tensed._

_Ten minutes passed, and that was when Gajeel completely lost his shit._

_"Where the hell is she? Where's Levy?"_

_The entire guild hall was aflame. From behind the counter, Mira-Jane and Lisanna watched in awe as Gajeel exploded. Elfman and Juvia were uncustomarily quiet. Freed, Bickslow and Evergreen stuck near the back of the room, watching the scene unfold with bated breath. And Jet and Droy stayed where they were sure that Gajeel could not see them._

_And then, the doors opened._

_Gajeel felt sick when he saw Natsu, Lucy and Gray walking into the hall. No blue-haired mage strolling alongside them._

_"Dammit_ _—_ _" Gajeel hissed and kicked a bench over. It didn't make him feel any better._

_The three newcomers made their way over to the seething metal dragon._

_"What's with the bench-kicking? And why is everyone staring at us?" Lucy wore concern on her face as she looked between Erza and Gajeel._

_Erza turned to the blonde. "It's Levy. She_ _—_ _"_

_"No."_

_"Gajeel?" Lucy frowned at the sudden outburst._

_"No, it's a bloody hoax, alright? Don't listen to a word she says."_

_"Can someone tell us what's going on here?" Natsu spoke up from beside Lucy._

_"She died." Erza didn't take her eyes from Gajeel's as she answered. Her voice was hard and unbearably clear. "Levy died tonight."_

_"No, shut your goddamn mouth!" Strong arms gripped at Erza's. There was crushing and where there should have been pain, there wasn't. Erza was calm as Gajeel pulled her closer to him. "Tell me where she is, you silly bint_ _—_ _" Gajeel cut himself short in surprise. Tears, fresh and foreign and so pained fell down his face. He couldn't remember the last time anything had made him cry like this_ _—_ _or at all, really._

 _It hit Gajeel, then. And it hit_ _**hard** _ _. "She's dead." He barely whispered it, but Erza heard, and she nodded sullenly._

_Then something else hit him._

_Erza had mentioned the fire, and about how Levy was with her two lap-dogs at the time. Instantly he began to scan the guild hall for their faces. It didn't take long before he saw them, near the door, as if they were itching closer and closer to it._

_"You, Speedy!" And of course, Gajeel was in Jet's face in seconds. "What happened, what did Erza say? You were there, right? Somewhere. Not fast enough to get in there and protect your_ _**best fucking friend** _ _, eh!? Too much hassle, was it?"_

 _Jet's face was washed of colour, before the anger kicked in. Then, he saw red. "I was bloody injured, you metal-faced_ _—_ _"_

_"Fucking injured, yeah? Is that right? And what about you," Suddenly Gajeel's pointed finger was in Droy's direction. "Were you distracted by a chocolate cake or somethin'?"_

_"That is enough, Gajeel!" Erza's yell thundered throughout the entire guild hall._

_Any sane man would've stuck his head down and tucked his tail between his legs when faced with a furious Erza Scarlet, but not Gajeel. Not today._

_Turning to face the her, Gajeel bared his teeth at Erza. "You can fuck right off, Titania. You didn't just lose the most essential person in your entire god-ridden existence. You didn't lose someone you could've..someone who_ _—_ _but, but you did, once, right? Jellal, is that it?"_

_Ezra visibly paled. Her fingertips twitched with a desire to force his mouth shut, but his gaze held her still. That grieving gaze that she knew much too well._

_"Yeah, that guy," Gajeel was blabbering and stuttering like a mad man. Maybe that's what he was, now. "Jellal. He didn't die, but one day he just wasn't..he wasn't..yours..anymore. The person you knew wasn't there, so he was pretty much dead, right?"_

_"Where are you going with this?" She asked impatiently._

_Gajeel shook his head. He wasn't even sure anymore. "Well..you know what it feels like. This. So, don't stand there and tell me to calm down or expect me to be..fine? Because I'm not. And it's their fault_ _—_ _" He pointed towards Jet and Droy. "_ _—_ _they did this. And I'll yell if I want to. I'll..fucking yell."_

_And that's when he finally began to push his way towards the door. Silence followed him like a plague._

_It was a right mess._

_Lucy was crying and hiccuping all over the place while her pyromaniac and partially naked male companions tried to comfort her. Ezra had gone deathly quite since Gajeel began to walk away. And there was no telling what was going through Jet and Droy's minds._

_Gajeel didn't particularly care how everyone else felt. All he knew was that he needed Lily. He needed his cat, and a drink of something strong. Then he'd be alright. He'd put one foot in front of the other and he'd get on with it._

_Well, that's what he thought was going to happen. That's not what happened, at all._

**FLASHBACK**

Gajeel had been without pain for so long before that day, he'd almost forgotten the sting of it. What he'd felt that night had been much stronger than a mere sting, though.

It felt like having your arms and legs ruthlessly pulled, torn off, leaving you utterly helpless. It felt like being re-born in a world more foul, much darker and harder, with no way back to the bright world from which you came. It felt like getting everything you had ever wanted, and then having to watch as that joy was set aflame and rendered to all but ash.

What made it worse was that he had had no one to punish for it. Jet and Droy played their parts, but Levy's death wasn't their fault. She'd been burnt and scorched. It hadn't been a person who'd done it, hadn't even been a dragon or a talking cat. Lucky, too. If it had been something with a heart that had killed Levy McGarden - well, Gajeel Redfox would've carved that heart out and fed it to the crocodiles. That mad,  **mad**  man.

Yes, that day was an eye-opener for Gajeel. Everything that once seemed to make sense no longer did, and without Levy, he wasn't sure if anything would again. Up until that day, Gajeel thought with crystal clear conviction that he was  _invincible_.

He didn't know he had something to lose until Levy died.

And he may as well have burned in that fire too—right along side her.

 

 

**iii.**

 

 

It's three days later and Gajeel's on the brink of losing it for real.

He thought for sure that after their fight, Levy wouldn't come back. She did. She was around more than usual, actually. The only difference now was that she didn't sit beside him on his bench at the guild hall, or tease him while he suffered from motion sickness on his way to jobs, and she wasn't waiting for him when he got home.

She was simply silent. Like a doll whose voice-box had been thoroughly ripped out. Like a hostage to this earth with no way to communicate and ask for help.

Then again, that's  _exactly_ what she was, wasn't she?

"Funeral's next week." Natsu is uncustomarily gloomy today, and now Gajeel knows why.

The pink-haired pyromaniac leans against the wall, beside Gajeel, and surveys the guild hall. "Jet and Droy finally made the preparations. We didn't want to have it until Guildarts and Laxus had time to get back into town, you know? The whole guild needs to be there."

"Why are you telling me this, Salamander?" Gajeel asks with little to no interest. He's preoccupied with watching Levy as she watches Jet and Droy. He hates that she smiles when she sees them. She rarely ever smiles at him.

Natsu frowns at the fellow dragon slayer. "Well, I figured I'd need to talk you into showing up. We've barely seen you for months, metal-head."

Gajeel grinds his teeth. "Don't be stupid." He turns to look at Natsu, and pauses in his irritation. "I'll be there."

And then, with one last look at Levy, Gajeel peels away from the wall and marches out of the guild hall. Every step he takes is angry and his boots click and the wall shakes when he slams the door on his way out.

It isn't like he really  _needed_ to go on a job today anyway. He had more than enough cash to keep up his lifestyle of take-outs and beer breakfasts.

He slips into an alleyway where,  _of course_ , she follows him.

"Hold on!" Levy  _pants_ like she has breath in her ghost lungs and rushes behind him. "I'm not good with running, you know? It's the short legs, you see."

"Thought you weren't talking to me."

Levy stops when she's in front of him, he stops too. She crosses her arms over her tiffany blue sun dress. "I'm sorry, okay? I wasn't in the mood for a fight. But the way we left things— I don't want to leave on a sour note."

"So you're leaving, eh?" He rolls his eyes like he doesn't give a shit. He does.  **Fuck** , he does.

"I would love to. Gajeel." Levy shrugs her shoulders, once, and shakes her head in exasperation. "I didn't want to die. Of course I didn't want that." Tears build up in her sad hazel eyes, though she turns away. Gajeel doesn't like it when people cry. "I didn't want to leave you. Any of you. But it's what happened. Okay? And  _everything_ happens for a reason."

Gajeel wants to scream.

He doesn't.

"Don't start with that crap, Shrimp. It won't make me feel any better, will it?"

Levy turns around, all tear-stained cheeks and narrow eyes, Gajeel be damned. If he didn't want to see her cry, he could leave. That was the one luxury she didn't have.

"Maybe I don't want to make you feel better," She spat her words with new-found strength. "What I was trying to say is that, no, I didn't want to leave you, but I can't come back. Not in the way you want. So it's best for everyone, especially you, if I leave. Gajeel, I'm worried about you."

A vindictive laugh bubbles up in Gajeel's throat.  _Worry_. That was a  _laugh_. "You've got nothin' to worry about, Levy. Nothin' at all."

"Is that right? You're a mess. Drunk twenty hours out of a day, asleep for only four. You're out every night, taking on jobs that are  _dangerous_  and you know it. You're crashing and  _burning_  before my eyes, Gajeel!"

Levy pauses in her anger. She regrets her choice of words, even more so when Gajeel looks at her with simple horror and clenches his fists by his sides.

She frowns at him and Gajeel feels tired.

He wonders if this is all just a sick dream.

If it were a dream, things would be a lot easier and a hell of a lot less confusing. But that's what life is— his, anyway. Hard and confusing and unfortunate.

That bloody  _bloody_  fire had snuffed out all of the light from his life. Without it, nightmares became reality and all the sad songs on the radio finally meant something. Death was something to be desired instead of feared.

He'd kill for a little  **death** right now.

Gajeel squints at Levy, his mind running amok with bad thoughts. "Why are you so concerned for me, anyway? It's not like anything I do will have any effect on a dead girl."

Levy's body shakes with something similar to rage and madness, but much stronger, and far more dangerous. It feels like love.

She closes her eyes to block out the world, and then she screams. "I'm concerned because I love you!"

"Stop it." Gajeel scolds.

"I love you."

"Fuck you."

Levy feels like tearing her peacock hair out of her scalp. Brutally. That was what loving Gajeel Redfox felt like. "Please, Gajeel!"

"Stop! Just stop everything!" Gajeel's voice is thunder. It crashes over Levy like rocks and it echoes through the streets and alleys and it rings in their ears. The rain, once forgotten, slides down their cheeks, mixing with Levy's tears and slipping down Gajeel's dagger-sharp teeth. "Stop being  _here_ , Levy. Stop what you're doing."

"I'm not doing anything! Gajeel, I'm not here for me. You don't think if I could leave, I would? I'm here because you refuse to let go."

Gajeel scoffs. "Letting go is all I've been doing! I tell you every day to leave me alone, to go away."

"Telling me to leave is one thing." She doesn't add anything else, she just looks at him with high eye-brows and waits.

He's defeated by the silent insinuation—because it's fucking  _true_ —but carries on with his denial anyway. "Are you saying that this is my fault?"

"I'm saying that you want me here. I know it, and you do, too. Gajeel, you can't spend the rest of your life in the past. I'm dead, right? I'm not coming back. I'm not supposed to be here any more and you need to realize that."

Gajeel stops.

He swallows whatever insults rested on his tongue, and he thinks. He looks straight into Levy's eyes, big and distraught with tears for  _him_ , and it's all he can do not to break down. He's thought about it, he's realized it, and now he can feel his eyes burning.

Well,  _fuck_.

He feels himself falling, plummeting like a fallen statue, towards the paved ground. Levy's hands twitch as she tries to catch him, only she can't, and before she knows it Gajeel is kneeling in front of her and he's  _crying so damn hard_.

Of course, this sight only makes Levy cry with even more passion and ferocity. It was quite a sight, one that she'd never imagined she'd ever see. Gajeel, kneeling before her, weakened and more vulnerable than he's ever been in his life, eyes pouring with so many tears she think he might run out of them.

It's heart-breaking— it makes her want to stay, if only for a second more.

"You're all I've got," Gajeel grunts through his clamped teeth. His voice is quieted by the hands he cries into, but Levy hears it all. "You and Lily. You're all I have."

Levy stares down at him. "That's not true, the guild—"

"Fairy Tail is nothing without  _you_. Hell, how can we even call ourselves a guild without our blue-haired brainiac."

She can't help but laugh. This is the Gajeel she wanted. Passionate, devoted and loyal. This is the Gajeel she'd wished would bite the bullet and kiss her in the pouring rain.

"Brainiac. That's a new one. I like it more than Shrimp, I guess."

He remains looking at her strappy sandals instead of at her smiling face. He can tell she's smiling without even checking. He can always tell when Levy is smiling. It's a contagious sort of thing she does.

"I mean it," Gajeel mumbles at her feet. "I've realized somethin' today. Somethin' I probably should've realized months ago."

"What's that?"

"I don't want to be a part of a guild with no Levy McGarden."

Frowning, Levy bends her knees and crouches down to meet his sad, sore eyes. She places her hands on his cheeks — he can't feel it, of course, but she holds him anyway. She imagines that her hands are cradling his cheeks, cold skin sending shivers down his spine, and that she's pulling his face back up to meet with hers. He follows the action subconsciously.

"Listen to me, Gajeel Redfox. Fairy Tail is  _family_. Right now, they're the only family you have. You've turned your back on them for the past three months, and they understand why, but they won't let you get away with it forever. You need them. And I need you to keep Jet and Droy out trouble—"

Levy smiles sadly, tears leaking out of her eyes as she thinks of her friends. "—And to help Lucy with whatever mess she gets herself into next, and we all know that Natsu needs someone to keep him on his toes. If Fairy Tail can't go on without me, well then you'll just have to step up and do enough for the both of us. Promise me you'll do that."

"Lev—"

"Promise me, Gajeel." She speaks with urgency. It holds his attention. "Promise me, then let me go."

Gajeel is screaming internally, but he's smart enough ( _just_ enough) to know that there's only one answer to this question. "I promise that I'll try."

She believes him, because Gajeel  _never_ lies to her. "Thank you."

They share a pair of peaceful smiles. Gajeel soon drops his, sobering quickly from his glee, and he frowns, as if realizing something for the first time. "I have to let you go."

"I think it's time you do."

"Shit," He swears. "Losing you is the last thing I ever thought I'd have to go through, you know? The last thing I ever thought I'd have to accept."

"If this whole 'holding on' business has taught us anything, it's that you haven't lost me. Not one bit. I'll always be here for you."

"But I won't be able to see you."

Levy smiles solemnly. "You won't have to."

He watches as her hand slips into his — and although he can't feel anything, it comforts him. She lifts her other hand and drags her fingertips across his rain-soaked lips. She can't kiss him — he wouldn't feel it, and that'd hurt more than dying — but she pretends that they are.

She's saying her last goodbye, and they're kissing, and he loves her, he tells her as much, relentlessly, and that's what she imagines as she prepares to leave this earth.

The star-crossed lovers look at each other for a long pause, and everything begins to fall back into place, neatly and finally, in Gajeel's mind. She starts to fade out of existence, once and for all, but first, she grins at him, and she leaves with him her last thought.

"You know," she says. "We would've been great—you and I."

 

 

**iv.**

 

 

 _Don't be gone too long—_ _who's going to love me when you're gone?_

**Author's Note:**

> bloody bloody hell what have I done?
> 
> I didn't think I'd ever actually write a GaLe fanfic. Mostly because I find it so difficult to capture their dynamic without being too dramatic or too sappy. I think this was way way way too dramatic, but compared to how the first draft went, I'm quite pleased with the turn-out. I also didn't want to have too much sappiness because, well, it's GaLe and also I physically can't write two couples happy together. Just kidding. I can. But it's so damn hard.
> 
> PS | I've got some more ideas for GaLe but right now I'm working on some other things (Cough **Kinabra** Cough **Fraxus** Cough) so I dk when I'll next write up another one for them. I'll see what happens. Till then, ciao!
> 
> —sweet like vanilla.


End file.
